by now if you follow me, you know why i shut down the old blog. something i somewhat regret doing because it was something i was really proud of. but needed to be done and i like to think i’ve grown as a writer/blogger since then. (including calling myself a writer/blogger). LOL. alas, here’s the first throwback fourpageletter post.
original date: sept 26/11
hey baby, what’s your number?
don’t get me wrong, i know my number. made a list (on a post-it), checked it twice (for spelling), remember and reminisce who was naughty and/or nice…
i don’t think my number is high, but it isn’t a piece of information i’ve ever shared with anyone. EVER. for the following reasons:
- it’s none of your business
- the number can be a source of drama if it is/or is even perceived as being high
- i have always maintained that it would be used a weapon in an argument
- it will never add to a relationship or make it better1
- have i mentioned this?
so when i first saw the trailer (embedded below) for the soon to released movie, What’s Your Number, i chuckled to myself. then when i really thought about it, i stopped chuckling. because i can see the logic2 in the idea.
(insert the fellas shaking their head here).
let’s take you on a brief journey shall we? leggo.
a baby is born. yay! it’s a girl! let’s put her in pink and cute frilly things. let’s coo at her and tell her how pretty she is (hopefully this is happening). let’s tell her good girls keep their dresses down and legs closed. lets buy her dolls to encourage the nurturing wife and mother in her.
she grows up. she’s told what good girls do, and what good girls don’t do. she will wrestle with this as, it seems that the not-so-good girls are the ones that get attention from the boys. or maybe she already has a boy, who is telling her to just do this, instead of that, who is telling her that good girls do, and if she doesn’t well..she doesn’t deserve a boy.
then maybe there comes the period of self-exploration. (again..hopefully). whether it’s discovering her own body or how her body interacts with another. there’s rarely been a time up to this point, where she’s openly & honestly discussed with her mom, sister, friends or doctor – what she’s feeling, doing, her fears about doing it (and doing it well).
this girl who becomes a woman does not live in a bubble. she sees that girls who are sexually active and empowered are labelled. she’s been groomed and socialized to act right so that she can become a wife someday3. she sees the messages, the media, the blogs, the movies and more that always ends up with the same summary: fellas, cannot and should not try to turn a ho into a housewife.
so what’s a chick to do? men claim to want a ‘lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets’ (how does this happen if she’s not sexually active, im still not quite sure…but alas…). if we hold on to our values and standards, there may be a long draught of loneliness. if we allow ourselves to be the sexual human beings that we are, we’re leaving ourselves open to be scrutinized or worse.4
people act like that we shouldn’t care, or it shouldn’t matter what other people think. well if you live in a small town, or in a large city with a small community – it will matter because all one has in this world is their name. and if you’ve rightfully or wrongfully earned a reputation based on what and who you do – this will have an effect if marriage is a goal. i recognize that this is not the life path for every woman on the planet. i’m speaking from a North American, heterosexual woman point of view. this is generalizing, but to a certain extent – this is still the reality for many than not.
the main premise of the movie, is a situation i, and many of my friends now find ourselves in. getting older, getting anxious, getting nervous, getting closer to the point that becoming a mother is a health risk. a woman, surrounded by friends settling down, new prospects at negative levels – decides to stop adding to her ‘body count’ and go back in her history to see if she overlooked someone.
i’m not mad at that at all. while the idea of going backwards used to be crazy to me, i would be lying to you, if i said i didn’t think about doing that myself. i’ve said often, that i believe the person im going to end up with has already passed through my life. but maybe it’s wishful thinking on my part.
we know that relationships aren’t fairy tales. maybe you had a great relationship, but you were both in school and at different stages. maybe you wrongfully placed someone in the dreaded friend zone. maybe your baggage and insecurity didn’t allow you to fully engage with someone who wanted to be with you. maybe it was just the timing. i’ve personally experienced all of these. i don’t see anything wrong with making sure (if there was reasonable doubt, trust and respect when it ended), that it wasn’t meant to be.
it’s also playing it safe. this person knows you, your personality, perhaps your level of sexual compatibility. it could work (although the odds are low), but what’s the harm in trying?
if men and women across medias and the blogosphere agree on one thing, is that people should take time to really examine themselves, look at their past, adapt their current behaviour, in hopes of a positive relationship for the future.
so while we already probably know how the movie is going to end, this chick just might go see it anyways.
let me go look for that post-it note.
[so what's your word? is the number important? have you revealed it to a partner? is there a too high or too low?]
footnotes, postscript and updates:
- what is important information to share is ones medical history. i expect a man to ask if i’ve been tested.
- this concept of ‘chick logic’ is stupid and slightly offensive to me. of course a woman has woman logic..we’re women! im not raised, nor socialized to have man logic, mostly because i’m not a man. this whole idea of think like a man, act like a lady is asinine. do men date/marry women that think like men? i doubt it. men want their women to be women. regardless of our sometimes silly reasoning. but that’s a different post for a different time.
- i also concede that not all women want to get married. but we as women are still expected to want to get married.
- a woman’s sexual history is always used against her in a court of law in sexual assault cases. It should NOT matter, but sadly it does. the re-victimization of sexual assault survivors is one of the worst parts of the criminal justice system.
- i find it HILARIOUS that this was just a
recycledtopic on twitter today. til next week of course.
- i never did go see that movie
- i have definitely changed my views about recycling. i’m a different person from when this post was written and therefore from when i was dating. unless you’ve grown too – don’t see the point!